Quick Update on Love them

Love Them is officially in the process of becoming a legally recognized Non-Profit organization in the state of New Hampshire. Crazy, huh? I’m still in shock and thrilled! My first meeting with the lawyers happened at the start of this week. It was INCREDIBLY nerve racking! Having two pair of lawyer eyes starring emotionless at you as you sit between them sharing your biggest of life’s dream. But I left the meeting with high hopes and more importantly, two dedicated lawyers. 

It overall went WONDERFULLY! I received answers I had been questioning since before leaving from Uganda back in 2013. There are some things that I cannot go into detail with yet. Not because of some big secretive law reasons but simply because I have to make some big decisions and I haven't the answers to how or what I’m going to do. I will update all I can when the information is 100% decided and final, though. 

I did, however, want to inform you where I am going this year. My lawyers didn’t have a time on when everything would be finalized, but knowing the process is going forth for sure I am planning ahead. I will need to do as much fundraising as I possibly can. As in any business or organization the starting years are rough. Yes, I save a certain amount weekly, no matter what for the ministry alone, but I know realistically Love Them cannot run off that alone. 

So, in Feb. (end) Jonathan Mancha, Mickala Meany, Jessica Blais and possibly some others have agreed to perform a worship night in order to help with some of these costs. It will be donation only and I HOPE to be able to have any checks made out to Love Them to be tax deductible. But that will be announced later. This is going to be such a FUN night!! Jonathan has done this for me before and he and whomever he plays with always always always makes it a good time! Truly each of these guys know how to bring it!! In EVERY WAY! Musically, comedy, with Jesus… truly uplifting, joyful people whom I am so incredibly blessed to call friends!! So, please COME check that out!! Location will be determined so be sure to be on the look out!!

I also would like to start an annual 5k run in April. This year I will be looking into starting it in New Ipswich. In May I’m hoping to do a home run contest. In June a 3-on-3 volleyball tournament. July or August my fingers are crossed for another concert night. Around October a bake sale… I’m pondering some “special” ideas for this to make it unique but cannot share those yet. And in November or December I’m researching a bowling team tournament. 

Also happening during the summer I am planning another backpack walk through Keene. Love Them will keep this as a part of the ministry. The goal is to go to the streets of the same city twice a year, once in the Summer and once in the Winter. After we go there twice (back to back) consider another city. I am also tentivaily planning a trip to Uganda in the winter, for about ten days. 

As you can see, a BUSY year ahead! All these ideas are just that… ideas. BUT I’m already looking into each of them and digging deeper to make them better and more outrageously fun! If you have any ideas or suggestions… please send me texts or message me on Facebook. I have started Instagram under handle Love_Them_Ministries and only post pictures of what is happening for the organization! 

My lawyers said in a few days (this was Monday) that I should receive some paperwork via email that I’ll need to sign and write a check for as well. So, any day I should have a little more information in regards to where the ENTIRE process stands. BUT, it IS moving forward!! If you want to donate and not care about tax deductible you CAN write a check to Krista Creighton and I will be sure it goes to helping change the world.

  I will try and give a more detailed update very soon. But check out Love Them Ministries Facebook page and also on instagram.

 Thank you EVERYONE!!

Love, Krista June

Why?

My first time walking the streets was in the winter of 2011. At first the idea seem ludicrous, but with a large group of friends going out to speak to the homeless and needy I figured why not? I wanna help people too! Heart pounding with nothing but nerves I had to quiet it somehow. It didn't take long before I realized just how powerful of an impact this sort of action could, would and should have on everyone involved. 

Everyone has a story. Some are filled with bravery. Some are silliness. Sadness, joy, love, let downs, brokeness, courage and a million other things are found amongst these stories. This isn't a new discovery to me, and it wasn't back in 2011 either. But what struck me with more force was the understanding that through all the down, miserable, horrific pasts that were presented to me, then and today, I had no answer to one question they would ask us time after time, “Why?” Why would a loving father, lord, allow such terrible hurts and situations to occur to such innocent, harmless, people? To this day I never try and answer this question. I have simply felt, “I have no answer. They are just in their fury. Their hurt is real. I understand why they wouldn't want to believe in God.”

I have listened to many histories and some are absolutely unimaginable. I have heard of deaths of entire families except the man before me. I’ve listened to stories of a father molesting his daughters, mothers having her children play Russian roulette with each other while herself and friends watch and laugh as if it were a game. I witnessed the excitement of finding out a baby was expected into the world to weeks later discovering the most precious thing in life actually lost its life. I have seen and heard stories of parents losing their babies for no known reasons. I, myself, have lost my mother to cancer and seen other diseases destroy and kill. I’ve heard of car accidents and drugs taking only children. Fathers beating mothers to death in front of their children. And, believe it or not, many other horrific events that have transformed lives. So, when I’m asked, “If God is real and loving, why would he allow these things to happen?” I am speechless. 

For many of you who know me, know that speechless isn't something A. that happens much and B. I am okay with. I like answers. Now four years into being a missionary and starting my own ministry were “street walking” will be a focus, I have found the hole in my heart for not knowing the answer to this question too large and too large to be “content” with. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a question I’ve never stopped searching out. But now, I am determined to find the answer. So, as I normally do in these situations, I started praying harder and harder and harder. (For those of you who don't know, I am a prayer warrior if nothing else. And I USUALLY hear God VERY clear and strongly.) I have been praying a lot about this answer for months now, for someone dear to me asked me over the summer this very question and I had no real answer for her. She, was one who told me of a couple of the incidences above. And since that day I’ve wanted to answer her and anyone else who ever asks me it. Another horrific situation that came to my attention yesterday had me especially praying out. “LORD!! ANSWER ME! HOW DO YOU EXPECT PEOPLE WHO HAVE HAD SUCH HORRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN IN THEIR LIFE BELIEVE IN YOU!!! I KNOW YOU’RE NOT A GENIE AND YOU DON’T JUST GRANT WISHES, BUT I MEAN, COME ON!!! YOU COULDN’T HAVE SPARED THIS PAIN, THIS TIME?! I KNOW YOU COULD HAVE BUT TELL ME WHY YOU DIDN’T SO I CAN EXPLAIN!!” I sat in silence. Nothing. Frustrated and hurt I texted a friend I was just that. Then I went back to praying. (Quick disclaimer, I yell at God a lot. lol. Not in a fighting tone. In a desperation to know him tone. A pleading tone… a loud loud loud pleading tone. I trust he does nothing without love and that I will likely not get my way the way I want. lol. I do not ask for things to be MY way but that I understand HIS.) “FATHER? HELLO?! YOU THERE?” (I often do this until I feel his presence strongly.) “THEEEERE WE GO! OK, YOU HAVE TO TELL ME WHY! HOW DO I EXPLAIN TO A HURT, ANGRY RESENTFUL HEART!?! YOU MADE ME SO I NEED DETAILED, NO SUGAR COATED BULL, ANSWERS TO FEEL I’VE GOT IT RIGHT, SO, HERE I AM… GIVE ME DIRECT!!” Nothing. To save time… this went on for about 15 hours. I’m about to give up as I wonder into my room for the night, “Lord?” I said, deflated from any kind of fight. “I just don’t get it. One day you’ll throw me a bone. Until then, I’ll stay silent when I hear their hearts breaking and crying. You know why… I don't need to. Peace.” And as I said, “peace.” I heard, “Child, trust me. Trust me. Trust me.” I wanted to speak a moment, ok, I wanted to interrupt. But I heard, “Child, still. Trust. Can you trust me, please?” I wanted to ask what that meant but felt it on my heart to not converse, to just hear. So I did.

The conclusion was simple but had me thinking further in-depth. How often do we want an answer and never hear? How often do we demand He reveals His end plan? Basically, how often do we feel “entitled”? A friend reminded me it isn’t us who actually makes the change in any persons life. It isn't what we do or not. The power is not in our hands whether or not the non-believer starts to believe. We literally haven’t any control over anything other than if God tells us to act, act. He says to speak, we speak. The rest lies in our trust in him. The cold harsh, truth is horrible things happen and we will never understand why. Also, we often feel, as believers that what we are doing isn't changing anything. Isn’t making any impact on anything. In reality we don’t always see the works that are happening WITHIN ones heart and soul. Sometimes it appears nothing is being stitched back together, no healing, no restoration is happening, but in reality the other person is sitting in awe and taking in all the truth spoken. Allowing the sewing that’s been needed for such a long time to occur. 

I would be lying if I said this answer settles well with me. It doesn’t. I want to be able to tell my friend, who asked, an EXACT scientific reason to why these horrible things happen. I want to, with my answer, change her faith. But with my faith I know my God and I know in time she and all the others will see the truth of His heart and love. The pain of the pasts haven't a set in stone truth for life. It can be healed and understood. When bearing through the storm, trusting is the only thing we can do. And when we seem side-lined, listening with an open heart.

Healing Rain is Coming Down,

Kris

A Dream & Healing

We were 18 again but with the experiences of today. The tassel rested to the left of my face and the speeches began. Searching the crowd I saw everyone, everyone but the valedictorian. The trip she would have had to travel was far and my heart felt sadden for no one else seemed to notice her absence. Out changing the world, making an impact on the children, sacrificing everything “comfortable” simply to improve a life. Yet, no one noticed but me. How was this real? The smartest in the class, doing the most important thing any of us were doing, and yet, nothing. 

I woke, asking God what this meant but before I could get an answer I was back in the gymnasium. Maybe round two would be different. Again I searched the crowd. Even the undergrads were the same to real life. People I’ve not seen or heard from in ten years were there. Still no valedictorian. As I approached the stage I felt the urge to not let her go unnoticed. But I was just a class clown with not a real thought or concern. I walked through the halls years prior with a phony smile and boisterous personality, now I had something “serious” to talk about? I couldn't fathom they'd react with anything less than a laugh in the face. At this time I tried to do what I normally can, control the dream and make the valedictorian appear. No luck. Not even a sibling or parent.

Yet again I found myself rolling over asking God if he was trying to speak to me. Again before I could hear anything I was back  to 18. The songs and speeches began again, the laughter and joy were heard through screams and excitement. I stood in the corner on the top of the bleachers, trying to not provoke any small talk but blend in. I was reminded of the speech that was given in one of the “Twilight” movies. In which she speaks on not knowing what the future holds but it was a time to learn. I couldn't help but to feel this was relevant, maybe not everyone but to me it was speaking. 

For the third time I woke and this time I was determined to understand the message. It felt like I woke too early before and God sprinkled some sleeping dust over me to continue speaking. This time I heard his message, “What we know today cannot change the past. What we had then won't always be. And what we hope will one day be again can be restored.”

I won’t go into great detail, but as I tried to continue to share why this dream was important I realized without you knowing this little detail none of it would make sense. The valedictorian of my class and I became good friends after high school. Throughout the years I did and said some regrettable things which tore us apart. To this day it is my only regret in life. I will note, I never meant to cause any of the damage.

“We’re not broken; just bent. And we can learn to love again.”-Pink. This lyric, from the first time I heard it, has wrecked my heart. Love is a choice. Forgiveness is the same. Sometimes both need to occur for peace to reign, but with the choice made to work hard and commit to resolving the hole in ones heart it can become a reality. Many times I am in fact responsible for 85% of the hurt but there is a 15% gap that I, myself, am responsible for loving and forgiving through. Sometimes, I’ve found, within that 15% there is room to love and forgive myself and not only the other party. Sometimes we need to learn that forgiving ourselves is the only way we can truly move forward. The only way we can truly mend a broken relationship and or heart. Not always is it the only way but it is a small portion.

I sit in years of regret, tears, heartache and turmoil. The situation with the valedictorian reminds me often of how imperfect of a human I am. The heartache and broken trust that resides within their heart crushes me on a daily basis, knowing I am responsible for it. I have prayed daily for restoration and forgiveness to be provided upon me. I have wished with all my strength; as though I was in a Disney movie and with enough hope a magical miracle would happen. I have often thought, “If I could only go back and change it, oh how great I would make it all.” But what I have wrestled with the most is that I cannot change anything. Thats probably because of the control issues I have, but that doesn't change the facts. I think God is trying to teach me is, no we cannot change the past because what we know isn't good. And what we had may not remain forever. But the errors, hurts, sorrow we may have caused doesn't necessary mean things cannot be restored and made new again.

I sit here praying daily for the restoration. I know, as it should, it will take a lot of time and proof that things would be different if everything were restored. I know I cannot talk my way back or convince anyone. Only in time and God can anything become new. Does that mean that my heart will not be torn daily until that time comes? No. It will. But the hope that I have fills in that hole of hurt a little more each day. I believe this comes through the ability to forgive myself and trust that the Lord will make old and broken things new and rebuilt. 

I share this dream not to share of my mistakes but because I believe someone reading this needs to hear that no matter how big you’ve messed up healing can come. My biggest fear is one of us will find death before complete healing but my hope and faith keeps me believing baby steps are being made. And even if inching our way year after year closer, one day the finish line will be crossed and beauty from ashes will be shown. I think many of us have a situation… regret like I speak of. I know Hollywood will often make it a love story regret. But whether a “I should’ve gone for it” or “I shouldn't have done that” I believe fully God can wash all things clean. So, loved ones, I ask you not to lose hope. Do not wish to go back and change it, for you learned and grew immensely through it. And though you do not currently have what you may have, do not believe this is set in any kind of stone. Time. Patience. Unconditional love and forgiveness… let those sink deep into your heart. I can promise you will see His mercy and tender heart and you will flourish in rebuilding what was once wrecked.

In Hopes to all Broken things are Restored,

Krista June

The Dreams & Struggles of 2014

Dearest Friends,

It’s been too long since I sat and wrote. There have been life changing things happening around me, what seems like daily. The biggest of these was moving out on my own for the first time, without being in the mission field and or school. Because of the move I’ve not had internet. I also averaged 70 hours a week working two jobs all of 2014. To say I’m exhausted would be an understatement. But with hard work and determination dreams come true. And that is exactly what is happening within my life!

With 2014 coming to an end I cannot help but to reflect. Even with my hands tied working those long hours I have seen God’s mercies come effortlessly (for the most part!). :) I have been able to make new friends, mainly through work, which is a feat in itself! I’ve seen babies coming into the world, changing lives just with the news they were going to be coming into the world. I’ve been tested in my character, my heart, and beliefs- all of which I believe I concurred at a level I didn't think I was capable of. The power of prayer for healing and restoration I have seen flourish. Friends have shown me smiles filled with pride and joy for my accomplishment have fulfilled my life in astonishing numbers. I’ve had fear freeze my heart for the first time ever. In result a scream fest between myself and our Lord insued. I shortly felt His grace and love as he pushed me to understand the choice was mine. I made one of the hardest, and regretted, choices of my life and arrived at the airport to board for Uganda, to only break down in tears and not ever leave american soil. I have laid down my rights to the life I’ve envisioned over and over. This year I’ve walked with my head down, up, looking back, and pressing forward. But I end the year on the highest of notes. 

After the Africa (Uganda) trip never happened I was feeling disheartened. I suppose the tears never stopped after I heard about the terrorist attacks just a half a mile from where I would be living specifically on the american people. Having the week off, sitting in my new apartment, I tried to fill the time. But my mind was always occupied thinking of my mission in life. Was this really my calling? To start a ministry and change the world… or attempt to? I had felt it was. But now? Deep sigh after deep sigh, doubt after doubt, prayer after prayer, effort after effort to let it go, I couldn’t. 

Thanksgiving was coming up and I still had money saved for Love Them. Whether I was to continue forward with this ministry or let it go I still had money I wanted to bless others with. I prayed a bit and landed on doing what I had initially wanted to do with the money, a back walk through a city. A back pack walk is a rather simple concept. Take a school bag, fill it with supplies- food, clothes, supplies that someone who is outside a lot and may need some help, then deliver them to the streets. The original plan was set between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I prayed and saw no reason to change it. I quickly, before I could change my mind again about doing this, I texted the friends God placed on my heart instantly. “Lord, tell me who. Go!” The first person replied within seconds, “Yes!!! I’d LOVE THAT! We can bring hot chocolate too!” Relief. “Yes!! FINALLY someone is on board!” were the thoughts that ran through my head. I shared the two dates I felt would be best, one worked for her, the other didn’t. December 14th would be the date then. With only a few weeks to plan and still working 65 hours and having been super sick with vertigo, the pressure (not really) was on. 

Heartache. It found its way to me again. Struggling to find the bags I had wanted and discovering the money I had saved was $100 LESS than my banking app told me, I thought, “Why bother? I’m tired of nothing working when I’m trying to bless!” Yes, God and I had another fight. Yes, he won again. :) “Child, why don't you trust me? Haven't I always pulled through?” Then I recalled raising 3k in just under a week. Raising 4k in 2 months. Having a friend who I needed (though I hate I was that weak) making it home for my mothers funeral when EVERYTHING said she shouldn't be able to. The feelings I had then, of not knowing how, but that everything would work out was there. So, I weakly forced forward. 

The goal was 30 bags, I found 13. The goal was overflowing bags, they closed just right. The goal was five people, we had seven (PRAISE THE LORD!). We walked the streets and with each person we spoke we discovered a sense of humility, selflessness, and kindness. All first said no to our offer of the bags filled with supplies, but accepted the hot chocolate and munkins’ one friend brought. As we spoke to them they understood, or so it felt, that they were blessings us more than we them and took the bag with joy. 

As we spoke to one man, I couldn't help but smile. The group that had been conjured up was an interesting one at that. One, unafraid to yell across the street to anyone, stranger or friend. Another not quite so bold but to quote, “Well, I didn't come out to do nothing!” as she turned to walk into a place we were all slightly too nervous to do. One was seemed to be a combo, if needed, of the other two. She wasn't afraid to talk to anyone, do anything, and seemed to be able to relate to anyone. The rest of us, though willing to talk and share, sat back a little and listened. The differences in gifts was amazing. I chuckled recalling how each of us have grown into each gift and fight to enhance their strength. Nothing is more amazing to me than witnessing people studying and praying on how to be more Godly and then witnessing it first hand. 

Thirteen bags is what we had to offer, twelve found a home. One gentlemen came to walk past us when we stopped him. The bag he carried was open and more importantly empty. Looking in one of our bold members made an attempt to give up the bag on her back. “No, I’m all set.” He said. Peering into the bag, with a smile on her face, “It looks like you need a refill! Here take this..” and she place one of our bags inside of his. As he received his munkins and hot chocolate he thanked us, “Its like heaven just met me in the street!” He said with a tear in his eye. We smiled wished him a Merry Christmas and started to head our way. Just as I started to move, being the last to follow, he grabbed my shoulder to spin me just slightly. Looking me in the eyes he said, “You are good people! You are good people!” INSTANTLY I felt like I was in the bible. The part where Jesus says he will show himself, show up for dinner, and is denied because he appears as a poor man, a woman etc…. but when he appears they ask why he never showed as he said. His answer being I did, three times, and you shut the door on me. I felt in a way, this man was Jesus, standing before me. I don’t mean literally. But certainly like he wasn't just any ol’ man. He was significant and placed before me by God.

This was our last encounter, bag 11 if you will. We went to dinner and I couldn't help but to think and ponder through most of it. True joy and fulfillment engaged its way throughout my heart. “This is what I want to do always. Bless people. I don't want to care about the money and the time it takes. Everyone deserves blessings and love.” The entire ride home I tried to lose myself in my vision, here and there my friend talking away in the front seat would drag me back with a comparison of losing our mothers. But for the most part I did what I could to think of the good things and not the bad. 

Unsure how, with lawyer fees rounding out at 8k-10k, I was to make Love Them legal I laid in bed praying and knowing I was right all along… this was my calling. The next morning a customer whom I have shared a lot of my dreams with came in. We spoke for awhile when he asked, “What is your goal.” My hearts answer is, “To change the world.” but I always answer more simple, knowing I’ll likely be laughed at. “Feed the homeless.” “Bring joy and education to children around the world.” “Clothe the unclothed.” but none of those seemed fit and in the moment I answered my hearts cry, “To change the world.” His answer shocked me, “mine too…. but we cannot do it as individuals. We must team up. And I want to be on your team.” This is when he offered to take on all legal fees and he and his firm would make the organization legal and final.  

So I end the year with tears in my eyes and dreams becoming reality. Knowing I havent access to the internet makes it hard for me to promise weekly or monthly updates of the things laid on my heart and where this organization is going. But what I can promise is that I’ll do my best and hope ya’all join me in this venture. In many and all ways. 

  Thank you to those who’ve held my hand, hugged my heart, answered a 3am text with “I love you, You got this.”, donated and invested time, money, and prayers to me and my dreams of changing the world. Donald was right, none of us can change the world alone. I couldn't do any of this without you. 

  Love,

Kris

Changing the world Together

   How fast our fleshly minds wander into greater plans. Whether for a better job, bigger house, newer car, better clothes or our thoughts, opinions and attitudes are better and how the world should be on the same page as you. After all, no one else has life better figured out than ourselves, right? Being from the mission field I have struggled with this concept but on a slightly larger scale.
    Anyone in missions knows money isn't something that grows on trees, though in some desperate times us missionaries can be found double checking the concept. With this harsh reality and being my mothers daughter I found myself struggling on right from wrong, was I being selfish or selfless, frugal or was my wallet dropping too much money? I naturally want to help people. But I found myself wrestling with MY calling and using money that I could use for MY ministry or donating it to others and supporting THEIR calling and THEIR ministry. Where was the line and when I cross it where am I crossing it into? I had tossed these questions up and watched them float off into a land of answers never found for over a year. Then Uganda happened. My heart ripped and shredded from my chest. Tears fell enough to have filled lake Victoria. Dreams invaded and calls were made. And I was the one to answer. To begin an organization to help children all around the world. With less than $5 in my account and no job I hadn't any idea where to start other than spread the news and my story. I needed the body of Christ in order to be the world changer I was to become. Reaching out and finding support I had come across a huge realization- I wasn't the only one with a calling. Obviously I had heard of callings and I had known people were doing missions long before I had ever heard of them. What I failed to understand was the passion behind it and the bigger picture to the change to come once their ministry was fulfilled! It had taken a month or two for this realization to really click but when it had I understood my heart was all wrong. My mentality, subconsciencly, was my ministry vs theirs and how can I show mine will impact more of the world. The moment this became apparent to me my heart sank, my stomach churned, and I felt sick. How could I even remotely compare saving  orphaned children with sex trade trafficking? Or preaching the word and writing bible studies to feeding the homeless? Or fighting abortion to pouring into a friend going through divorce?  After all doesn't one edify the other? Do I not need a preacher and bible study to help teach me of his love? Do I not need a friend pouring into me? What if they neglected that ministry? After all one cannot pour out what they do not obtain, correct?  It is cliche, but we are the body. "The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body- wether Jews or Greeks, slave or free- and we all were given the one spirit to drink. Now the body is not made up of one part but many. If the foot should say, " because I am not the hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact god has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indespensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor." - 1 Corinthians 12:12-23 With this being biblical how can one remotely argue their ministry is far greater than another when we cannot function without the other. Yes, one can have their ears removed and still function, but they are not complete. I'm reminded of a conversation I had with a friend just over a year ago. I said, "isn't it crazy how we are all part of Jesus? One body? Man, I'd be so satisfied if he called me a toe." She snapped with sincerity, "ILL TAKE THE ARMPIT!!!" Even the role of the armpit is crucial. Maybe the armpit means running through the jungle searching out tribes who've never heard of Jesus. Or it's ministering to a widow. Regardless, another part of the body is touched and transformed into greatness.
   I have found with all this my answers. We are NOT only called to OUR ministries! We are first called to love the world. To care and love them with all out hearts. If we are doing this we turn no eye on any ministry! We pick up whatever part we can and help. I am convinced after months and years of prayer, that not one single ministry will change this world. But instead all of them combined and helping one another will. There is no competition is Jesus; only love.

  So friends lets pick up our crosses lay them at his feet and find someone else to help bring theirs to him while we're at it! I call the left side, and I hope to see you on the right so that nothing drags its way.

  Together we are world changers. Apart we fight a losing battle!

Here's to changing the world as we know it!
Krista June

What if the Storm Never Ends?

    

     As I was driving home from work today I was thinking through my attitude minutes prior. I had realized it was nasty at best. Quickly the mind did what it had been trained to; think of an excuse as to why. Sadness was the first and longest standing reasoning behind the miserable person I had just been. Infuriated with myself I begged God to help me release the lies and pains that rest deep within and claim and declare the truth to who I was. Without a doubt I knew that He would answer me. That is who my Father was after all; a care giver whose favorite thing to do was forgive and love me. These thoughts swam their way through my mind just as my vision blurred enough to see the rear lights in front of me shine brightly in heart shape. You can imagine the fright that ran through me, unable to see clearly, or so I thought. Blinking a few times to clear up my contacts I realize shortly after my contacts were fine, God was simply showing me what he felt for me. I followed the car for another 10 minutes or so and the hearts never faded for more than a second at a time. I am, as you are, deeply cherished and loved.

      Shortly after arriving home I found myself, like I often do, looking at pictures from our Uganda trip. Contemplating the drive and what God had shown me the questions started flowing. "How did I know He would answer me? What if I never knew anything good of Him, forgiveness, love, willingness to talk with me? How would I handle life if I grew up with these kids?" and many more. What hit me the hardest was that I experienced a small taste of what these children endure, I could escape back home to a "better place", and the biggest of all the issues... I never had to return. In fact, I could leave whenever I pleased. I starred and starred at the broadest of all the pictures. To be honest, it was one that many times I quickly skip past not giving it a thought. A scene shot of what every day typically looked like with everyone being candid. Matt with two or three babies peeing and pooping on his lap. Whitney holding and caring for Joy. Celia holds McGuire joking and laughing with the kids. London getting his hair done. Tex sitting on the ledge, legs hanging off, with a few of the kids leaning on his back and lap. Anthony talking shop with some of the adults in charge. And each one of the kids with, doing something, or looking for a Muzungo or working as they were directed. Sadness devoured my heart. The one thing God allowed me to witness on a 15 minute drive home was something every single one of these children lacked... love. As the Freight train of sadness crashed my heart into the steal wall all I could find the words to pray were, "Father, help it to end."

      The realization that found my heart was some people, children and babies too, all around the world never can escape the storm. The storm doesn't have some cute name like "Katrina" or "Harry" its name is life. There's no rescue teams coming in or blood drives being run just for them. Or at least not enough. We don't see on our weekly football games a website for others more fortunate to donate. It’s as if they don't exist. What terrorizes my thoughts continually, night after night, is that most these people live lives as if mother nature or some other horrific event happened, when in all reality, they were born into it. As most of you know my niece was born in June 2013 and we had been taking care of a 3 month old while in Uganda. I can't help but to recall my plane ride home thoughts as I'm sharing this with you now. They ran something like this, "Joy hasn't any choice to what happens to her. She will be used and mistreated most likely all her life. She will likely never be above "lower class" in the eyes of the world. She was brought into this world in a miserable, evil, way (mother was raped by her uncle). And at least once in her life she will likely wish she were never born. All because for some reason God made her and destined her life to be Ugandan. She had no choice. As where my niece (Khloe. I didn't know her name at the time) will be born in one of the most wealthy countries on earth, will not only have a mom and dad that love her but aunts, uncles, grandparents. All of which is anyone ATTEMPTED to hurt her in ANY fashion would protect her if it meant their own death. She will have opportunities to become anything she wants. Her health won’t suffer from malnutrition, worms, or HIV (most likely). And why? Because God placed her in North America. She, like Joy, has no choice. Yet, Khloe will know love, compassion and forgiveness much sooner than Joy. She will have opportunity Joy can only dream of. I don't get it." I understand these thoughts may not be how life pans out for either of these two. But I know the odds are DRASTICALLY in Khloe's favor. My heart can’t help but to ask why? A teacher of mine, Troy Sherman, shared an alarming static while he was with us. It reads, "In the United States of America ALONE spend $480 BILLION dollars during Christmas time ONLY EACH YEAR! It would take TEN BILLION to solve WORLD hunger." World hunger could be solved with just $10 billion. Of course my heart is strong for the Ugandan people, children especially, but the WORLD. I can't help but to sit here and ask, "Why Lord? Why are so many suffering? And worse Lord, why are so few helping?"

      I don't write any of this to rise up guilt. On a general basis I hate that tactic. But I can't shake the feeling of my heart being crushed between sadness and fury. My tears flow understanding that in my lifetime I'll be a blessing if I bring just one person out of the storm. While my muscles tense and jaw clinches with determination to make it the world. After all, what makes me so special I get to feel and see Gods love in the rear light of a car while others never get to? God so loved the WORLD he gave his one and only Son...

 

With power to clear the clouds for at least one,

Krista June

The Beauty of Gods Love

      I know to which the road our father is placing me on. But sometimes that just isn't instant enough for our human flesh. I simply want to be on it now and not on the journey before which it comes. What I am realizing and understanding more now than ever though, is that its the journey before that makes the end destination as magnificent and grand as it seems to be. Without all the bumps, prayers, love and support of others, lessons in-between would any of the results seem so glorious? My guess is no. So, with that being said, here I sit on the road of growth- somewhere between knowledge, love and wisdom.
     God has been speaking to me these last few days about loving through the storm. To some this seems like an impossible task. And if I were to be honest Id reveal once upon a time that was me. But as these last weeks of 2013 enclosed I realized that the moment we allow anything negative into our hearts is the moment we lose. Yes, it may be difficult to not spit off at the tongue as your heart is crushed and dismayed but I challenge you to think of just how hurt and dismayed God was as we ate from the tree, spit and thrashed on his ONLY son, and choose STILL not to walk with him. Did that stop him from paying the price? In his hurt did he say, "never mind, child, you are not worth it?" No, he still took us on his back and carried us and allowed life to be restored in us.
     In Genesis 1:31 God tells us, "He saw what he had made (man) and it was good." Just before it reads (Gen. 1:26) "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock over the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." How remarkable is that? God claims that we ARE good! From the first of the days he claimed we were good! And we were above all other creatures for we were in the likeness of HIM! God: an adored, admired or influential person. In an another definition it reads: A superhuman being or spirit being worshipped. WE ARE MADE IN HIS IMAGE! Why is it we beat ourselves up and degrade ourselves? Are we understanding that by doing so we are diminishing the beauty of who God is?
    I know some of you reading this are saying, "Well, I am not as worthy. If only you knew my past, Kris, you wouldn't say that I was made in His image." Oh, How I express this with the deepest of love, you would be entirely wrong! I can say so very confidently because later in Genesis 3:21 after Eve and Adam ate of the forbidden fruit, while they sat embarrassed because they were unclothed; "God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them." There were consequences to Adam and Eve's actions, yes, but what loving parent do you know that when their child disobeys and does something harmful to themselves in the process not discipline out of love? Adam and Eve did the one and only thing the Lord said for them not to do. In doing so they brought death and destruction upon themselves and every person who would be born after. They released sin onto the earth... to ALL OF MAN! I'd like to ask you, who may be feeling unworthy, what have you done that has brought such repercussions onto ALL of man? I am not dismissing the hurts you may have caused or endured. I'm simply asking, if God still loved Adam and Eve enough to care for their embarrassment, why wouldn't He still love you and call you good?
     I started this post sharing I want the end result. If I had that right now, would I be able to feel his love for me today? Probably not to the degree I am. Keep trucking and know you are made in the image of God, the highest and holiest of ALL things, and you are GOOD!

    Here's to the journey before the destination!

Kris