Dearest Friends,
It’s been too long since I sat and wrote. There have been life changing things happening around me, what seems like daily. The biggest of these was moving out on my own for the first time, without being in the mission field and or school. Because of the move I’ve not had internet. I also averaged 70 hours a week working two jobs all of 2014. To say I’m exhausted would be an understatement. But with hard work and determination dreams come true. And that is exactly what is happening within my life!
With 2014 coming to an end I cannot help but to reflect. Even with my hands tied working those long hours I have seen God’s mercies come effortlessly (for the most part!). :) I have been able to make new friends, mainly through work, which is a feat in itself! I’ve seen babies coming into the world, changing lives just with the news they were going to be coming into the world. I’ve been tested in my character, my heart, and beliefs- all of which I believe I concurred at a level I didn't think I was capable of. The power of prayer for healing and restoration I have seen flourish. Friends have shown me smiles filled with pride and joy for my accomplishment have fulfilled my life in astonishing numbers. I’ve had fear freeze my heart for the first time ever. In result a scream fest between myself and our Lord insued. I shortly felt His grace and love as he pushed me to understand the choice was mine. I made one of the hardest, and regretted, choices of my life and arrived at the airport to board for Uganda, to only break down in tears and not ever leave american soil. I have laid down my rights to the life I’ve envisioned over and over. This year I’ve walked with my head down, up, looking back, and pressing forward. But I end the year on the highest of notes.
After the Africa (Uganda) trip never happened I was feeling disheartened. I suppose the tears never stopped after I heard about the terrorist attacks just a half a mile from where I would be living specifically on the american people. Having the week off, sitting in my new apartment, I tried to fill the time. But my mind was always occupied thinking of my mission in life. Was this really my calling? To start a ministry and change the world… or attempt to? I had felt it was. But now? Deep sigh after deep sigh, doubt after doubt, prayer after prayer, effort after effort to let it go, I couldn’t.
Thanksgiving was coming up and I still had money saved for Love Them. Whether I was to continue forward with this ministry or let it go I still had money I wanted to bless others with. I prayed a bit and landed on doing what I had initially wanted to do with the money, a back walk through a city. A back pack walk is a rather simple concept. Take a school bag, fill it with supplies- food, clothes, supplies that someone who is outside a lot and may need some help, then deliver them to the streets. The original plan was set between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I prayed and saw no reason to change it. I quickly, before I could change my mind again about doing this, I texted the friends God placed on my heart instantly. “Lord, tell me who. Go!” The first person replied within seconds, “Yes!!! I’d LOVE THAT! We can bring hot chocolate too!” Relief. “Yes!! FINALLY someone is on board!” were the thoughts that ran through my head. I shared the two dates I felt would be best, one worked for her, the other didn’t. December 14th would be the date then. With only a few weeks to plan and still working 65 hours and having been super sick with vertigo, the pressure (not really) was on.
Heartache. It found its way to me again. Struggling to find the bags I had wanted and discovering the money I had saved was $100 LESS than my banking app told me, I thought, “Why bother? I’m tired of nothing working when I’m trying to bless!” Yes, God and I had another fight. Yes, he won again. :) “Child, why don't you trust me? Haven't I always pulled through?” Then I recalled raising 3k in just under a week. Raising 4k in 2 months. Having a friend who I needed (though I hate I was that weak) making it home for my mothers funeral when EVERYTHING said she shouldn't be able to. The feelings I had then, of not knowing how, but that everything would work out was there. So, I weakly forced forward.
The goal was 30 bags, I found 13. The goal was overflowing bags, they closed just right. The goal was five people, we had seven (PRAISE THE LORD!). We walked the streets and with each person we spoke we discovered a sense of humility, selflessness, and kindness. All first said no to our offer of the bags filled with supplies, but accepted the hot chocolate and munkins’ one friend brought. As we spoke to them they understood, or so it felt, that they were blessings us more than we them and took the bag with joy.
As we spoke to one man, I couldn't help but smile. The group that had been conjured up was an interesting one at that. One, unafraid to yell across the street to anyone, stranger or friend. Another not quite so bold but to quote, “Well, I didn't come out to do nothing!” as she turned to walk into a place we were all slightly too nervous to do. One was seemed to be a combo, if needed, of the other two. She wasn't afraid to talk to anyone, do anything, and seemed to be able to relate to anyone. The rest of us, though willing to talk and share, sat back a little and listened. The differences in gifts was amazing. I chuckled recalling how each of us have grown into each gift and fight to enhance their strength. Nothing is more amazing to me than witnessing people studying and praying on how to be more Godly and then witnessing it first hand.
Thirteen bags is what we had to offer, twelve found a home. One gentlemen came to walk past us when we stopped him. The bag he carried was open and more importantly empty. Looking in one of our bold members made an attempt to give up the bag on her back. “No, I’m all set.” He said. Peering into the bag, with a smile on her face, “It looks like you need a refill! Here take this..” and she place one of our bags inside of his. As he received his munkins and hot chocolate he thanked us, “Its like heaven just met me in the street!” He said with a tear in his eye. We smiled wished him a Merry Christmas and started to head our way. Just as I started to move, being the last to follow, he grabbed my shoulder to spin me just slightly. Looking me in the eyes he said, “You are good people! You are good people!” INSTANTLY I felt like I was in the bible. The part where Jesus says he will show himself, show up for dinner, and is denied because he appears as a poor man, a woman etc…. but when he appears they ask why he never showed as he said. His answer being I did, three times, and you shut the door on me. I felt in a way, this man was Jesus, standing before me. I don’t mean literally. But certainly like he wasn't just any ol’ man. He was significant and placed before me by God.
This was our last encounter, bag 11 if you will. We went to dinner and I couldn't help but to think and ponder through most of it. True joy and fulfillment engaged its way throughout my heart. “This is what I want to do always. Bless people. I don't want to care about the money and the time it takes. Everyone deserves blessings and love.” The entire ride home I tried to lose myself in my vision, here and there my friend talking away in the front seat would drag me back with a comparison of losing our mothers. But for the most part I did what I could to think of the good things and not the bad.
Unsure how, with lawyer fees rounding out at 8k-10k, I was to make Love Them legal I laid in bed praying and knowing I was right all along… this was my calling. The next morning a customer whom I have shared a lot of my dreams with came in. We spoke for awhile when he asked, “What is your goal.” My hearts answer is, “To change the world.” but I always answer more simple, knowing I’ll likely be laughed at. “Feed the homeless.” “Bring joy and education to children around the world.” “Clothe the unclothed.” but none of those seemed fit and in the moment I answered my hearts cry, “To change the world.” His answer shocked me, “mine too…. but we cannot do it as individuals. We must team up. And I want to be on your team.” This is when he offered to take on all legal fees and he and his firm would make the organization legal and final.
So I end the year with tears in my eyes and dreams becoming reality. Knowing I havent access to the internet makes it hard for me to promise weekly or monthly updates of the things laid on my heart and where this organization is going. But what I can promise is that I’ll do my best and hope ya’all join me in this venture. In many and all ways.
Thank you to those who’ve held my hand, hugged my heart, answered a 3am text with “I love you, You got this.”, donated and invested time, money, and prayers to me and my dreams of changing the world. Donald was right, none of us can change the world alone. I couldn't do any of this without you.
Love,
Kris
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